When the Inevitable Happens

knew that I would one day have to sit down and write about "our first pigua", I just didn't think it would be this soon and this close to home. I had just gotten off the phone with Ottawa when our regular phone rang, it was our dear friend Stu in Yerushalayim....."where is everybody?" , "what happened" "there was a pigua near tzomet Gush"!! My mind was flying..Darrell is on his way home from either Beitar buying schach or from beit shemesh to Beitar, he should be okay. Avital is on her way home from Beit Shemesh with a teacher, I'm not sure which one, did she go through Alon Shvut, if she did she could have been in the area. Quickly I call Darrell's cell, it's the machine either the lines are flooded or his battery went. I'm not really scared and I feel that everyone is okay, maybe I can't think otherwise, but I just want to hear everyones voices and tell them how much I love them...later another woman on the yishuv tells me her family was nowhere near the tzomet and despite this she waits anxiously to hear everyones voices. Stu calls back, "were the victims in a car or standing at the tzomet?" I ask. Stu thinks they were pedestrians at the tzomet. I feel somewhat relieved, but I know that someone else's loved ones were standing at the tzomet and my heart is sick! I hear the sirens now and go to my living room window, I see the ambulances racing out to tzomet gush, one, two , three, four I stopped counting. I try Darrell again..nothing. Please Gd. just get everyone home! Some of the ambulances begin to head back to Yerushalayim, as each one passed in front of the yishuv I say a little prayer whoever is inside be allright. Avital walks in the door and I hug and kiss her very energetically! What's up with you Ema? I take her to the window and tell her what is going on. We stand at the window together and watch the flashing lights in the distance and the ambulances going up and down. Yonatan picks up that something is going on so I tell him, he joins us at the window. What is he thinking? I ask him, he says he's not sure..are you scared..yeah, a little , it was right there ema! What can I say?
We head to the computer to get whatever info we can. 2 killed , 4 injured, later turns into 3 killed...the initial reports don't give much info. I look at Darrell...now what?.. we just hope and pray and wait. Supper has to be made, laundry finished, it's chag tomorrow...I get started, but I feel numb and angry, very , very angry! How can people do this, these people were heading home from their jobs, school just leading their lives doing what we all do. Everyday, after ulpan, we drop our teacher Sara off at the same trampeada to catch a ride to her home in Kiryat Arba. Has Avital ever stood there to wait for a ride or a bus? I don't think so but many many children, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers and grandparents do. Okay, let's finish the sukkah, the banging all around the yishuv continues, does everyone know ...but life continues on. Avital is very busy looking on the internet trying to find information...when will they release names ema, after the families are notified honey.....how long does that take....I think she's worried she may know someone.
We turn back to our tasks at hand, Darrell works on the succah I putter around cleaning etc. The boys get invited out for sleepovers and Avital is meeting her friends to say tehillim. I think we are just numb. The reports begin to emerge two cousins Kinneret Mandel z'l afe 21 and Matat Adler z"l 21 both from Carmel, one married only three months ago,and a boy all of 15 years old Oz Ben Meir z"l, one year older than Avital. I keep looking out our living room window. It all happened at tsomet gush, on the corner where you wait to go south to many other yishuvim. It was a driveby shooting, the palestinians opened fire with automatic weapons spraying the crowd with bullets. They fled and are somewhere in Bethlehem. It has only been a short time since the army removed checkpoints as a "gesture" to the palestinians. Why are we making gestures to a people that can do this? This is what our gestures get us! And what would have been the response had a carload of angry jewish "settlers" sprayed a arab bus stop with deadly bullets? Then I begin with the rationalizations, we never use that corner, Avital only takes lifts from inside the yishuvim not on highways...but it doesn't really make a difference, these people were doing nothing wrong, Avital should be able to stand wherever she wants to get a lift and these people were doing nothing wrong!! I feel guilty about my rationalizing, Stu reassures me that this is the normal reaction of many Israelis which gets them through these "events". You know, when I was in canada during the height of the intafada and this was happening all the time, we would also look on the internet and feel sad and angry......it is just not the same as now, I cannot describe the difference. Yes, acheinu kol beit yisrael, but there is a difference when you are here and this is really your home. It is weird, but somehow I understand Jewish History much better now, I feel connected to Jews of Days past who also lived in times of oppression and aggression. I thought jews in chutz l'aretz felt anti-semitism harder, but I now see that I feel it here in a way I never could there. Bottom line, this was an act of anti-semitism.
At 9:30 this morning, the morning after, there is an announcement on the yishuv's intercom, the funeral procession of the two young cousins will be passing the yishuv in one half hour. People begin to head down our hill, to pay their respects to the girls and their family and friends. We go down with Sara, who finds a little Israeli flag in our car leftover from the B'nei Akiva party. People are trickling down the hill, and congregating at the highway, there is an army jeep there and more and more people keep coming. Someone tells me how this custom of the yishuvim descending to the highways for victims of terror has given families much comfort. We wait on the side until the army signals us that the procession is nearing. We cross the highway forming two lines on each side and wait in silence. Then the procession arrives, I look at the faces in the cars, red eyed grief stricken faces of regular people, older, younger, really young, soldiers, mothers,fathers, cousins, friends ...some acknowledge us with a nod or a hand up...some seem to be overcome with emotion when seeing us...I am overcome with emotion on seeing them....three or four buses loaded with people from the victim's yishuv come through....I look in the buses, it seems as though everyone on the bus is staring straight forward, I imagine there is silence on those buses. I look at Darrell and down at little Sara standing with her flag held straight out for the cars to see. The procession takes a while to pass through, the crowd begins to cross back over the highway and we all head back up the hill, I don't know most people here , a few faces here and there, but somehow we are all connected, I feel connected to them after sharing these brief moments. People will go home now, resume their cooking, cleaning , sukkah preparations. There are families who will return home today to an only too short shiva, they will head out to their sukkahs and do what they have to do...really the thought is truly unbearable, so awful! May hashem comfort them amongst the mourners of Zion.....and may he guide our fellow citizens and government to make the right decisions to prevent this.....no other country in the world would put up with this!!!! Remember these souls and pray for them and their families!!!
Chag Sameach, Ruth