Auschwitz

Some people say it has the status of a Makom Kadosh and others say that a visit there is a way of paying respect to the people who died there and some even say they experience a feeling of victory as the Nazi filth were ultimately destroyed and we subsequently, with the help of so many Jewish survivors of the Holocaust regained soverignity in our homeland after thousands of years. But for me, I mainly felt feelings of overwhelming sadness alternating with horror being at the site where my brethern were bruatlized and murdered in the most awful ways one could imagine. I felt that I was dirtied, somehow polluted by being in a place where such evil, unspeakable evil had taken place. At times I felt bad, like I was being a voyeur, seeing things that were inappropriate for me to look at. I think there are certain things we are not meant to see - why else do normal people regurgitate when they mangled bodies and other such horrific things. It also seemed to me inappropriate to see the mounds of hair and glasses and shoes and other belongings - I felt I was invading the privacy of the victims. I cound not bring myself to take pictures of these things.

Before going to Auschwitz, I was ambivalent- on the one hand I think it is important to have first hand witnesses to this place where the Nazis perpetrated their evil. But on the other hand, what possible reason is there to visit such a place. And these feelings pervaded during the hours I spent there.

Among our first stops was the only gas chamber still standing in Auschwitz. All the others were destroyed by the Nazis before they fled, in a vain attempt to hide the crimes they committed. Almost as soon as I entered the building, I experienced an undescribable feeling of sadness and dread- I had to leave it as quickly as I could.

Our guide was very knowledgable and understanding. She has been a guide for 9 years and it has obviously had a powerful impact on her- she is in the middle of completing a PHD at the Jewish studies department at the university in Cracow. But I was also ambivalent about listening to her- on the one hand it is important to know the gory details - to be able to bear witness - dates, numbers, places, processes. But on the other hand, what difference to all these numerous details matter - do we need to know more than anything except that Nazis murdered over 1,000,000 Jewish children, men and women in a systematic, efficient manner at this site. That they placed priority on killing Jews even as it cost them in their war effort- none of the other details really matter and even the things to see there can't teach you anything more. Too see a large room with no privacy, where hundreds of people were given 2 minutes to the bathroom. This was too base a sight for me to take a picture of.

The only small moments of comfort I found there were when I saw small little Israeli flags randomly stuck in places and seeing the beautiful young women from Avital's high school, Noga, walking there with Israeli flags draped around their shoulders.In applying some aspect of religion to the flag, Rav Soloveitchik zt"l found it to be likened to the garments of martyrs, a halachic concept that appears in Shulchan Aruch, in that the martyred soldiers were fighting to be able to raise the flag over captured territory.

The only spot there which provided a measure of quiet from the unsettled feeling of being there was a place in Auschwitz-Birkenau where the some ashes of victims were found. Almost all the ashes of the victims were dumped in rivers and fields in the surrounding area, but there was this one spot of ashes with tombstone like monuments placed in front. Here at least was a place where I could say the Prayer to be said at the Graves of Tzaddikim. At least here, I was able to have a small feeling of accomplishing something positive for those who had no one to aid them. To do something human and Jewish in a place where inhumanity ruled for 5 years.

Auschwitz-Birkenau is a vast area where almost everything was destroyed by the Nazis before they fled. The magnitude of this killing ground strikes you as you walk in this huge area. You walk and walk and reach the far end and look back and see the spot you started from way in the distance.

For one to internalize and imagine the events that happened there are too much to bear. I did feel it for brief moments - in the gas chamber and at one other time- when we walked through the barracks which had the personal effects of the victims there was one large glass case the held numerous Tallitot (prayer shawls) and I was consumed with grief for what was destroyed and the future generations which never born. These Jews packed few precious possessions when they were pushed out of their homes and among these they included their religious articles.


I don't think I would ever visit Auschwitz again and don't know if i would recommend it to anyone else. Perhaps it is important for teenagers to go there, but only with a Jewish guide who can put the place in the context of our people's history and beliefs, so they can also be inspired by the stories of goodness and piety which took places amidst the brutality.